In today’s world of looking for love, a different aspect of this emotion should be sought after in the coaching world – tough love. As you venture out and play the “Coaching Dating Game,” there are some key components in this quest one should consider when exploring the possibility of adding a coaching relationship to their life.
The following three tips should help you uncover the right mate for you.
Dating Tip #1 - The Tough Love
There’s a quote strategically positioned on my wall that reads: “You must love your client more than your own comfort level.” These words originated from Bruce Wright – the inventor of Macro Strategic PlanningTM – and have played a considerable influence on the growth of many people who have experienced it.
How many professionals do you know (including yourself) truly live and follow this quote? Unfortunately, very few practice this philosophy. When it comes to feelings of awkwardness, most choose the tactic of avoidance to escape the potential of displaying their own vulnerability. The avoidance can also stem from the old cliché “the client is always right.” Unfortunately, in the process of tearing down old walls and building new ones in your life, you will not always be right. When it is determined you might be off base, will your coach have the talent, skill set and passion to intervene to help you discover your erroneous ways?
For example if you are wanting to create a simpler life, yet take your business to the next level, drastic mindset shifts will need to occur to drive these desired results. In the process of uncovering and developing the steps to help you achieve these outcomes, a series of steps are typically formulated. This action plan usually results in timelines and the engagement of other professionals and/or team members. Ask yourself these questions:
What would you want to happen if you decided, for whatever reason, you were not going to pursue the plan you had set out for yourself?
Are you willing to accept the feeling of discomfort in order to have someone redirect you to get back on track?
What consequences are you willing to create for yourself if you don’t follow through on your own plan?
If you want someone to hold you responsible and teach you how to be accountable to yourself, then you are coachable.
In looking for a coach, this may be the number one issue to address when interviewing someone to help you make the transformations you have determined necessary in your life. The ability to facilitate an evolving process of personal and professional change during tough and frustrating moments truly sets one coach a part from the rest.
Lady Lester Keffer wrote: “Tact is the ability to give a person a shot in the arm without letting him feel the needle.” When interviewing a potential coach, you may want to ask the following questions to determine how they will deliver a shot in the arm when you need it:
How will you handle me when I choose not to follow through on my own plan?
What will you do when I begin to lie to you to avoid embarrassment of not achieving my desired results?
How will you react when I decide to provide you with a series of excuses on why my progress has hindered?
Dating Tip #2 - Who’s Agenda Is It?
Most coaches have some type of process or formula to follow to deliver on the outcomes you desire. Be careful not to lose sight of your own agenda in the midst of following theirs. Dynamic coaches discover your agenda in a way you probably don’t even recognize as your own.
Recently at a Corporate Visions Inc. workshop titled Power Present, the instructor conveyed the importance of communicating to clients by utilizing a technique called “You” phrasing. “You” phrasing allows the agenda to be driven strictly by your issues and challenges. “You” phrasing demonstrates your coach truly understand “what” and “who” the relationship is all about. When working with a potential coach, it may be important to notice how often they reference themselves in the form of “I” or even “we” versus the time they reference “You.” Find a partner who knows it is all about you!
Dating Tip #3 – The Formula For Success Factor
Most coaching programs recommend the use of a formula to help you discover the issues and goals in your life that are most important to you, provide for an analysis of your current situation, and ultimately deliver a breakthrough game plan to pursue your passions.
An issue to consider when discussing a formula is whether or not the process evolves into a written, deliverable, and measurable plan. Phone conversations with a follow up email or note will meet most standards in the coaching profession. A coach that can help you articulate your greatest visions and goals into a written document filled with a detailed road map of how to achieve your goals will stand out as a true catch. To accept anything less than a well defined plan could result in a reduced outcome for you and an early break up between you and your new coach.
Lastly, it is important for your coach to be aware of other methods and messengers in order to help you create the life you desire. This often tests most coaches due to the fact they may have to admit their formula or methods lack the efficiency necessary to make you happy with your work. Incorporating other tools or exercises from perceived competitors or professionals with different philosophies is usually a must for coaches to engineer advancements to your goals. The formula you choose also needs to be flexible enough to accommodate the changes that will occur from you going through a process of discovery that leads to action.
When conversing with a potential coach, bring up other methodologies and coaches you have encountered through your quest for competency in this area. If a coach defends their own views and denies there is a better or different way than their own, you may not want to bring this one home to meet your parents.
In conclusion, highly skilled coaches are extremely effective asking and receiving difficult questions. Their reactions to your questions should help you determine whether or not you want to walk down the aisle with them or start the dating game all over again.
Travis Ray Chaney is a co-creator and Transformation Guide with Dynamic Directions. For more information on Dynamic Directions, please contact Travis Ray Chaney at tchaney@dynamicdirection-d2.com
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